How many times have you restarted your life? How many times has Monday rolled around for it to be the Monday where you change your life? For me this has happened pretty much every Monday since I turned 18, which means this has happened on 895 Monday’s so far. I am determined this is not going to turn into 896 – 896 a indeterminately scarier number than 895, why? Who knows? But the thought of getting any closer to 900 Monday’s where I have not done something other than what is expected is more terrifying than anybody actually reading this.
So here it is the beginnings of my blog, my mind, my musings. There is going to be all sorts on here, nothing specific and everything in random; hence the name herstuff, as this will be all my stuff – thoughts, food and home mainly I would imagine. I can’t even decide what it should be about but why decide, why not post what I feel like, what is interesting to me at that time. Hopefully, it will interest some people, sometimes it might even help people.
My job is nothing to do with this, the polar opposite really and that’s how it will remain. That’s all I have to really say about that.
I am simply attempting to get words down, to start, to do something and hope it can, and by that I mean I, can continue. I am not sure what I wanted this post to be apart from the beginning and beginnings come in all different guises I guess. This one for me is panicked and anxious ferocious typing to simply get it done. Whilst trying to think how I style the home page and the post and where people get pictures from and how done should it be before I publish it etc etc. The anxiety is palpable and I literally can feel the adrenaline.
I feel the need to step away from this for twenty minutes and come back to see if it reads as mad as I feel it feels……….
That twenty minutes actually lasted the best part of three years. So, it must have either been mad ramblings, or the madness of day to day got in the way. I haven’t deleted a word from the above, as that’s what I wanted to write then; even though I feel different about this space now.
This blog will be a way for me to find my voice. I am going to be 38 years old soon (which means I am approaching 1040 Mondays), I have a good career, a loving family, a wonderful relationship, yet I am not sure who I am. When I read articles or scroll through Instagram there are lots of amazing women who feel the way that I feel, but most if not all of these women feel that way as they have become mums. I am not a mother. Yet I feel my voice is quieter, I am not sure what my place in this world is, I don’t feel my body looks the way it did a few years ago, all the things you hear mothers say. I am here to say this can be about life experience, about getting older and about reflection and how you chose your life to look. Although I will still be writing about my thoughts, my home and my first love – food.
So this is me finding my voice, 3 years later than I first penned above, what feels like a hundred years, and 50 lives since I first wanted to start writing.
Right now there is only one thing that matters……..
I have started.